A Bit of Advice

I think its time I used this blog to better the world. I need to put my selfish ways aside and help my fellow citizens make the right choices in their lives. So, from now on, I will be adding an occasional entry full of "worldly advice that will make you a more awesome person, and possibly keep you out of jail".

Today's advice:
If you move into a new home, and then go to a local liquor store for a bottle of wine, and the cashier gives you a free bottle of Crown Royal to welcome you to the neighborhood....say thank you and leave....and don't go back.

If you do happen to go back one night, a few weeks later, with your slightly intoxicated boyfriend, you could get into a sticky situation. It is possible that the same generous cashier will engage you in an angry conversation about the bastard that is 'Total Beverage' when you ask why he doesn't carry any wonderful local Colorado beer. He then may somehow convince you to help him turn off all of the neon signs in his store, teach you how to use his high tech register, and convince you to give him a ride to his home...which is a basement apartment half a block away. He may then tell you that his name is Moses and he is a convicted felon with six bachelor degrees. He may not explain why a man with six degrees is a liquor store cashier. Perhaps he will even invite you into his apartment for some herbal therapy, which you may agree to because the situation is so awkward that your and your boyfriend's curiosity simply gets the best of you. As you enter his apartment, he may explain that the two small children sleeping on the couch do not look remotely familiar. You may recall that he is a felon. A teenage girl checking her myspace on a computer might remind him that one child is his neice...and the other child is a mystery to her as well. He may invite you to his bedroom where you may smoke something from a certain device while Moses tells you that the country is owned by a bank which may be owned by aliens. He might even introduce you to his wife....Sugar. She might not appreciate your laughter when you learn that her name is Sugar. She may inform you that she was given that name at birth but now prefers to go as "Shug Dizzle Izzle". She may not appreciate when your drunk, stoned boyfriend quickly responds with "for shizzle my nizzle". You might feel the need to leave at this point. It may be a good idea. You will probably not be able to stop laughing or calling your boyfriend "Shug" for at least three days. You will both agree that you are far too old to ever again engage in such activities. You will also probably have a heightened level of love and appreciation for your boyfriend for experiencing such a night with you...and later regretting such a night.
Probably. Maybe. Perhaps.