I've missed you

Damn, I completely suck at this whole blog business. I get all excited about it and then I forget it exists. I hope when I have children, I will be better than I am now. Because otherwise there is a chance those diapers will go months without changing and I will totally get hauled off by the bad parenting police. Eek. Ok, I suppose those diapers will smell really bad and that will be a reminder that I have children and then I won't forget them like I did about this blog. We can hope.

So, since we last talked, I've made some big moves. We put an offer in on a house last night. The house is adorable. Built in 1930 and full of 30's charm. Hardwood floors, giant base boards, shady electricity, beautiful mature landscaping and possibly no plumbing. We have so much to look forward to. Just for future reference, if this deal goes through, this blog will become a "what not to do when attempting to remodel a home" blog. I will most definately be posting pictures of holes in walls, failed attempts at drywalling, possible fires, and my cheeks drenched in tears. I mean, you, as a reader, have so much to look forward to. In the meantime, here is a picture to hold you over....

In case you were wondering, I too think the house may be leaning to the left. But I think its intentional. It does the Roc-a-way....lean back....lean back. Don't hate on my house. :(

Angry Beavers and Coors Light

Last night, the boy and I made a trip to the Adam's County Fair. Growing up in Germany, I have high hopes for a fair. I imagine great beer, juicy brats, loud music, beautiful soldiers, and scary rides. Apparently, stateside festivals are a little different. They attract a type of person that I did not think resided in Colorado. I was wrong. So very wrong. I learned a lot about people, culture, and farm animals yesterday and I'd like to share this awakening with you.

We got to the fairgrounds around 4:30, which it seems was far too early. The rides were not running, the games were not playing, and the food was just hitting the grill.

We wandered around for a bit, got some bbq on a stick and crappy beer, and talked to a vendor about how my moisturizer is giving me cancer. After that enlightening conversation, we discovered the farmer's mecca at the fair. There were giant tents filled with animals, and people hustling about everywhere. After a few confused moments, we realized these animals were engaging in some sort of beauty contests.

The first animal I met was this horse. I took his picture because he reminded me of Matthew McConaughey.

Next, I discovered Olivia Newton John's fan club. I'm still not sure why these sheep were wearing spandex, but it was entertaining.

They weren't getting physical, physical...but they were looking fly and that's all that mattered.

Next, I met a pig who's either narcoleptic, or a lush. Or perhaps both.

About two minutes after taking that last picture, I was attacked by his cousin. Okay, maybe attacked is a slight exaggeration, but there was a large pig, running in my direction, and a boy chasing it with a stick. It was traumatizing.

Next, we moved on to the "Small caged animals" pageant. There were quite a few interesting rabbits. Did you even know there were multiple kinds of rabbits? There are actually rabbits who are small, and not just because they are babies, and there are also rabbits that are almost as big as my dog. Well, maybe as big as your dog.

This rabbit used his double chin as a pillow, which I thought was genius.

This bunny's hair was so crazy that you couldn't even find his face. Unless that's his butt. I'm pretty sure its his face.

This one was just cool.

He was for sale. I considered bringing him home, but then I remembered that rabbits eat your face while you sleep. So I changed my mind.

Next, I learned that if you kneel down and attempt to take a picture of a caged turkey, he instantly think you are going to pluck all his feathers out, stuff an onion up his butt, and throw him in the oven. This turkey was trying to make this process easier by fluffing himself up to make his feathers more accessible for the plucking. That was nice of him. Then he tried to bite my face.

It was about this time that I realized there was poo on my shoe. That's when we headed to the Monster Truck show. At the Miss Adam's County Piggy show, there were lots of wranglers, big belt buckles, and cowboy boots. At the monster truck show, there were many tank tops, receding hair lines, and not so many teeth. There was however this rebellious little girl who seemed to like beaded bracelets. The boy made jokes about raving skanks and Ecstasy. Who knows. Oh, there were also trucks. Big ones. Monsters, if you will.

After the show, I ran into this guy, twice. I took the second encounter as fate, and a reason to take his picture.

Before we went home, the boy won a prize for me...well more for our dog.

He was quite proud. He informed me that the stuffed animal was from the show "Angry Beavers". I made the angry beaver ride a tractor.

When we got home, Rosco was quite please with his beaver. Then he ripped its nose off and spilled his insides all over my living room. The angry beaver made me angry, so he now lives in the dumpster.

Well, that was my night. I learned a lot about animals, and poo, and trucks, and overalls. I learned that the boy likes to tell baby cows about his love of veal. I don't think he even eats veal, he just likes to tell stories to animals. And I learned that its perfectly ok to go to the fair in overalls and no shirt. G'night.

I fought the law...and the beer won.

So if you know me at all, you probably know that I have a ghetto entrepreneurial urge living inside me. More often than not, this leaves me broke and disappointed. Today, it leaves me drunk at a bar.

So I did a little research and discovered that Colorado, as a state, has no scalping laws. Within about four minutes of this discovery, I owed ticketmaster around a thousand dollars. I bought the maximum allowed tickets to the shows I was sure would sell out. My first venture was for a band I'd never heard, but after a little research I discovered are quite popular with the tweens. Little did I know that grown men would sell a testicle to get their daughters a ticket to see these Jonas boys. I still have my doubts about their supposed sibling..ry. Crazy marketing if you ask me. So anyway, those boys bought me a tank of gas which I was very grateful for. And they also convinced me that I could make more than just gas money in this business.

However, I quickly learned that there is a reason the guys selling tickets on the corner always have holes in their shirts. Being a professional ticket scalper ain't no easy task. Long story short, if a show doesn't sell out, and instead decides to drop ticket prices by ten dollars, you end up alone, broke, and drunk at CB&Potts. It's a sad life. Thank god my iPhone has typing correction. If it weren't for that, this blog would look more like this...

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That's right bitches, be grateful.



Update...

I just logged in to see what sort of mess I'd typed up yesterday, and its a bit of a doozy. I arrived at the concert three hours before my boyfriend, and (after selling my extra tickets for a painfully low price) instead of waiting outside in the heat, I chose to go to a bar. Seemed like a good idea at the time...

Also, thank you to the 14 year old boys who bought my tickets, you saved me some tears.

And for anyone that may be curious...Both the Flobots and Offspring rocked the fuckin house. Go see them. Twice. (Just don't ask me for tickets, cause I won't be buying extras)

Crisp and fresh

Every once in a while, I look around my apartment and realize I'm completely bored with it. When I moved in, it was beautiful and open and exciting. I loved knowing where everything was and knowing that everything was mine. I could walk from one end to the other in pitch black and know exactly when to dodge the table leg, when to step over the dog toys, and when to avoid the stray shoe by the door. I liked the comfort that this brought. But I think, with everything, you need to switch it up now and then to keep that appreciation. Once in a while, you need to stub your toe on the couch.

And so, I have a new blog. Its been brought to my attention, by a few, that my blog has been missing the fierceness it once had. It seems to correlate with my view on life. The more bitter I am at the world, the more creative my silly little posts would be. Now, I'm not willing to trade my happiness for the sake of a good post, but I am willing to try a new approach. Maybe, my old blog bred bitterness. After all, that's what it was born into. It only makes since, that as my attitude changes, my environment will need tweaking as well. So here is my fresh start. I can only promise that I will give it attention, care, and effort. I will be honest and genuine. And, as always, I will not censor myself or my opinions. Feel free to enjoy and stub your toe.